did I not hurt you last night?
I didn't talk to you,
I was angry and
shoved you into your seat;
didn't let you finish the sand 'appam' you were making,
hurried up the bath you were enjoying
read stories you love in a haste
and lost my patience
over and over.
And this morning:
you called out for me
with kisses and hugs
pats and cuddles.
You really don't remember?
Or this your way of paying me back?
You won.
And I am sorry.
And I wish for you, son
that you win your battles so.
ps: Sometimes, I hate the rat race I am in. Racing against time.
I want to waste time.
I want to lay down on the green grass, face up, with my son and watch the blue sky.
I want to breathe in his baby smell and listen, really listen, to his world.
And do you know? That, I had to set up a time for that? A time to waste time?
11 comments:
Beautiful...just lovely. brought tears to my eyes....pray that all the little ones remain as unconditionally loving and forgiving always.
Mystic: My heart was really heavy this morning and I just scribbled these...
Glad to see your comment.
I don't know how they do it. I shout at my son, keep adding new rules and ask him to do this and that. And in the night, when he snuggles up close to me and I realize he has only us, it tugs my heart.
Parenting is never easy, is it?
Awwww Upsi..Look what you did now?You made cry..your Li'l One is sooo cute...I feel so bad too when Aadi snuggles up,right after I have yelled at her for not sleeping.Parenting is hard!
Upsi..I am crying. Because this just happened with Naren and me. He got yelled at real bad this morning for something and when it was time for his afternoon nap, he cuddled up and gave me one of those beautiful, sleepy baby smile and said, "Amma, I love u Amma". I just lost it man. Cried and hugged the little one extra tight and I didn't have the heart to remove his hands from around my neck and his legs from my tummy. Upsi...I just got over it and came here...see what u have done??????
I pray that these children remain so for the longest time possible and not turn into one of us adults.
Dont be hard on urself, Upsi. Parenting is tough and the rat race so much part of life too. I am happy at least you got to "set up time to waste" even. Treasure them! Hugs!
I read this earlier and didn't/couldn't comment. It was so heartbreaking.
May you have lots of time to waste with your precious boy, Upsi, and the spirit to enjoy it.
I truly understand this Upsi...and i am heartbroken every single day...every time i have to rush to brush her...while she sits on the wash basin area..and smiles this 1000watts one..and tells me..."amma...see water"...and splashes it on me..and i get irritated at that right moment coz it is getting late..i have to finish cooking..and keep breakfast on her plate...and here she is enjoying a spalsh of water on ME...
i feel sad...every single day..coz i want to enjoy everything she is enjoying...:(
Mimi/Shobhana/K3 - Thanks for sharing. Wishing for all of us that we allow our children their pace and let them act their age.
Dipali: Your wishes/comments are always loaded, Dips. :)
IBH: No wise words here, IB..sigh!
ah, Upsi.. that just tugged at the heartstrings. :-( Such little bodies hold such big hearts. And such big bodies hold such little hearts. Wonder why God didn't make us the other way round.
Upsi: They either forget or don't give it the kind of importance that we adults would. I wish and wish that they would remain like this forever :)
Lovely post.
I keep wondering about the same thing but could have never put it across as beautifully as you have done :)
you ensare me in your guilt and pain and before I know your words are holding up a mirror that shows me squirming in my seat.
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