For Dummies

Tips for surving a student spouse, who is also employed full time. As a bonus, a toddler tails along (this is important).

• First off, you donot know what mode he is in. He might be tuned in as a student, an employee, a doting father or a grumbled hubby. Learn to pick signs asap. Serious unshaven face - student mode, don't talk unless you want to re-repeat. Picks up the toddler - father mode, your clue for some serious self-time - rush to make lunch/dinner, clean home, take shower. (Rachel Ray just cooks in under 30 mnts. Phew! What a show off!) Poker face - hubby mode - this one is a bit tricky, but with practice you can be a pro. Ask him to take garbage out, clean your car, transfer laundry from washer to dryer. Say all these at once and he will turn into other useless modes. Delegate in intervals. Use your charm, even if you smell of garam masala.
• For your sanity, befriend a fellow such mom. Misery loved company. They are still very much in love.
• If you happen to cross his Advisor on the grocery aisle, resist the urge to throw the rotten tomatoes. Be polite and ask if he needs help bagging some tomatoes.
• When a common friend comments on the hardwork he does, think about The Alpes, the snow covered peaks and the cows with those bells. If you are still out of control, grab your child's rattle and shake it. Under no circumstances shall you grab the friend instead of the rattle.
• When your boss wish you to have a relaxed weekend, don't tell him your relaxation is from 8 to 5, Mon - Fri. He might think you don't work at work.
• If you are overtired, chances are that you may not fall asleep as qucik. Feign interest in his thesis. By the time he explains a theorem, you would be in deep REM.
• Reinvent your culinary skills. Bring out the hidden chef in you. He might be starving by the time he is home that even brussel sprouts-artichoke Gumbalaloob would be appetizing.
• Your toddler will open a book and read, "donot disturb Daddy". Find humor in this.
• Do not vent your exasperation on your child, unless you want to be featured on his biography as the lunatic mom. Chances are that you will characterized so anyways, but why live/die with a guilt.
• Finally, when you are all set to shoot those pigs that will fly (he is receiving a PhD), award yourself with a PhT (Putting hubby Through). It is all together a different matter, if you have arthritis and/or bed ridden by that time. Thank God if you don't suffer from amnesia.

Disclaimer: Any resemblance to people in Upsi's household and vicinity could be purely intentional.