I don’t remember the last time I said “sorry” to Mr. Upsi. Well, apart from occasions where I accidentally trashed his shaver in a cleaning frenzy (it was such a tiny thing, who would have thought it was an attachment to the shaver plus it was rusted though Mr. Upsi argued that’s the paint coating it came in!) or damaged the garage door while reversing my car (I swear I did open the garage door before backing), or accidentally deleting his “favorites” tab in i-pad (I swear all I did was check the Arlo security camera on how I looked while yelling at the kids to stop playing and come inside) or breaking the wine glass moments after he bought it (well, some people break out the bubbly and I break the glass as well). A sorry, was required because I really and truly did not do any of these on purpose.
It is different when you actually mean an emotional harm with what you say. Then, saying sorry takes a toll. Of course, there were numerous times in the past where I thought about the idea of an apology in my head but that was swept away in a matter of seconds by the million things he could have fixed (for me!).
However, this morning, I thought he deserved an email apology. Somehow face to face apologies lack a certain seriousness that emails carry. A written note seems more thought out, heck, you do have to think on how to word the apology without sounding too forgiving and simultaneously hide a bit of self-pity sprinkled with i-am-holier-than-you mask. Your apology recipient most probably will read it multiple times, not just to make sure he is not dreaming or re-checking if it really came from you but he would be so taken back and wonder if that particular fight really needed an apology. Because, we have grown so complacent of each other and we know that there are a million things that need spousal support that these fights will have to be buried and swept under the carpet. Gosh, no wonder our carpet looks so bulged these days (J)!!!
So, feeling rather pleased with myself on having practiced an art of living technique in real world, I press “send”. Subconsciously I was expecting a similar reply, generous with praises and loaded with appreciation.
Instead, within seconds of sending, I receive a reply worded thus: “thanku”.
Forget it wasn’t a “thank you”, heck I would have even taken a “thank u” too. Thanku!!!! Jesusbejesus holy moly son of guacamole.
Seething.
You know what! He didn’t even deserve that apology. And to think that this will get into his head when clearly I didn’t mean a damn thing I wrote.
Hashtag #thinksyouwillneverlearn#
